My stimulation meds arrived on June 28th. That reminds me I really need to go through everything and make sure they sent the correct dosages for everything. I’m a little intimidated by it all, sitting in a huge box in the refrigerator. But I’d rather not realize too late that I’m missing something! I had a near panic when they told me to double my dose of testosterone gel and I wasn’t sure I’d have enough (it’s like a deodorant stick, so not easily measurable). Turns out they planned for that, so everything was fine.
Tomorrow is my last day of priming with testosterone and progesterone. Then CD1 is expected July 7th. The next appointment is to get an ultrasound on July 10th. I can’t quite remember what that ultrasound is for, but I assume they’ll check my baseline follicles again and maybe see how the uterine lining is doing, or something?
Well I admit I’m a bit distracted though, because we decided to start potty training this week. I was definitely not planning to start the week before IVF, but two things made it clear that there was no point in waiting. First of all, the July 4th week is a vacation week for all of her activities. The calendar is clear. Second of all, we hit a window of opportunity in her development, and I was determined not to miss this window! We missed a window when she was 18 months and totally could have potty trained her at that point, but my head wasn’t on straight at the time (I thought 18 months was too early, but it’s totally not).
Both Louis and I have the same approach when it comes to making big changes. First we procrastinate, but then one day a light bulb goes off and we’re off to the races with no looking back, no equivocating. So basically, that happened. We’d already bought her a potty and some underwear, but nothing beyond that. You’d think being a type A person, I would have read all the potty training books. But I did not. I wanted to see how my daughter would learn so that I could adjust my teaching strategies. In a classroom with a 1:1 student:teacher ratio, it doesn’t make sense to teach to the textbook version of a cookie cutter toddler. No, I wanted to focus on listening to my own child.
She’s a quick study, so it’s been a joy to watch her take on this new responsibility and gain more confidence every day. So I think we’ll stay home for just one more day (so three days total) and then venture out to the park on Friday – diaper free! I can’t wait. We’ve been spending most of the day outside in the back yard, but even then I’m getting stir crazy after just a day and a half at the house. It’s all for a good cause though!
I’m thrilled too, because now I’m super confident that she’s going to be ready for preschool in October. I’d been sort of second-guessing myself about having her start at the absolute youngest age they accept (2.5 years). The separation, the longer time she’ll need to be awake before a nap, interacting with all the new kids and teachers – it’s a lot! But seeing how quickly she learns new skills and tackles all challenges head-on, I think she’s going to do great.
One of my own greatest fears is that I will somehow hold her back. It’s an irrational thing that I know I’m capable of doing, because on some level I still deal with the trauma of having a premature baby who spent time in the NICU. It changes you. You have to constantly remind yourself that your child can not only survive, not only thrive, but positively sky rocket beyond your imagination. She proves this to me every day. And yet I know I have this small dark cloud of worry, just at the very periphery of my vision. I can never let that worry change how I teach my child how to be in the world.
Then again, with or without me, I know she will become who she is, ultimately. I can only gently nudge and encourage and provide support and love. I can only make sure I don’t stand in her way.