Fierce.
Going back in time to write up these back-dated posts almost three months later has been wonderful, but I’m finding looking at the pictures of her in the hospital to be difficult. I knew this time was filled with joy, but we were also so fraught, so unravelled from the fresh trauma. I know that I was in awe of our little girl, but I don’t think I was able to fully savor these moments of her life. Not like today. When I realize that I grow more and more in love with Emily every day, what that means is that these pictures represent a time when I was mostly just in shock and barely holding it together. Sure, I was amazed, relieved, and so so happy to hold my baby girl at last, but it was nothing compared to the pure love and joy that I feel today. It’s good to be here now, but thinking about this time is hard.
Chocolate cake will fix you right up if you’re trying to get back on your feet! It’s just science.